separation anxieties…

15 09 2011

if you don’t know the story yet, talk to her and I’m sure she’d be very happy to tell you the whole story… her side of it, at least… the long and short of it was we separated earlier this year…

so, are you judging me now?

was I wrong in what I did? maybe… maybe not… depends really on which side of the fence you are sitting on looking down at us. depends on whose friend you are, on your perspective even. I would’ve still done the same otherwise, given the circumstances..

many things have happened since, some good and a lot of it bad. and many things, I know, are still bound to happen. ready or not, I need to face all of them.

IGP0298in all these, I miss my sons the most. they may not feel anything now, or hopefully, ever. but I know they will be most affected.

Wyse, my very precocious 5-year old, who asks a lot of questions about a lot of things. who cries at the drop of a hat. a very studious boy. looks a lot like me in every conceivable way. little me? I hope not… I would wish for him a very full and fruitful life… happiness all around sans all the cares in the world.

and my littlest boy, Tomas. I will remember him as the exact opposite of his big brother. Tomas came into this world charming everyone around him with this big smile of his. but his biggest smile of all is reserved for his dad. he lights up like the morning sun whenever he sees me (probably because he was already anticipating the side-tickling he knew he’d get from me). his love for water (however shallow or deep) always brings out that cute dimple, which comes only when he is truly happy. he came into this world a sickly child, but bloomed into the bubbly chubby kid I remember him being.

I love you, my sons. no one, as in absolutely no one, can take that away from you. I still hope to see both of you one day, after all these are through. after everything has been settled.

i hope…

i still hope to kiss you, Wyse… and hug and tickle you, Tomas… maybe, one day…

I love you both… 🙂

a friend once quipped that “there’s no perfect decision, no perfect move nor a perfect timing.”

I will face this, alone if need be…