separation anxieties…

15 09 2011

if you don’t know the story yet, talk to her and I’m sure she’d be very happy to tell you the whole story… her side of it, at least… the long and short of it was we separated earlier this year…

so, are you judging me now?

was I wrong in what I did? maybe… maybe not… depends really on which side of the fence you are sitting on looking down at us. depends on whose friend you are, on your perspective even. I would’ve still done the same otherwise, given the circumstances..

many things have happened since, some good and a lot of it bad. and many things, I know, are still bound to happen. ready or not, I need to face all of them.

IGP0298in all these, I miss my sons the most. they may not feel anything now, or hopefully, ever. but I know they will be most affected.

Wyse, my very precocious 5-year old, who asks a lot of questions about a lot of things. who cries at the drop of a hat. a very studious boy. looks a lot like me in every conceivable way. little me? I hope not… I would wish for him a very full and fruitful life… happiness all around sans all the cares in the world.

and my littlest boy, Tomas. I will remember him as the exact opposite of his big brother. Tomas came into this world charming everyone around him with this big smile of his. but his biggest smile of all is reserved for his dad. he lights up like the morning sun whenever he sees me (probably because he was already anticipating the side-tickling he knew he’d get from me). his love for water (however shallow or deep) always brings out that cute dimple, which comes only when he is truly happy. he came into this world a sickly child, but bloomed into the bubbly chubby kid I remember him being.

I love you, my sons. no one, as in absolutely no one, can take that away from you. I still hope to see both of you one day, after all these are through. after everything has been settled.

i hope…

i still hope to kiss you, Wyse… and hug and tickle you, Tomas… maybe, one day…

I love you both… 🙂

a friend once quipped that “there’s no perfect decision, no perfect move nor a perfect timing.”

I will face this, alone if need be…


5 stages of grief

26 07 2011

1. Denial — stage where the grieving individual tends to deny that the grief exists.

2. Anger — the grieving individual may be mad at the person who inflicted the grief, or at himself/herself for letting the grief happen even if it cannot be avoided.

3. Bargaining — the griving individual may then make a bargain with another person, or his/her diety/god/religious icon to take away the pain.

4. Depression — the person will feel nothing, desensitized, though anger may still remain.

5. Acceptance — this is when the first 4 have lessened or totaly wore off. the individual accepts the loss.

ciao… 8-|

quote for today…

22 07 2011

Do you believe in God, Andrei? No. Neither do I. But that’s a favorite question of mine. An upside-down question, you know. What do you mean? Well, if I asked people whether they believed in life, they’d never understand what I meant. It’s a bad question. It can mean so much that it really means nothing. So I ask them if they believe in God. And if they say they do—then, I know they don’t believe in life. Why? Because, you see, God—whatever anyone chooses to call God—is one’s highest conception of the highest possible. And whoever places his highest conception above his own possibility thinks very little of himself and his life. It’s a rare gift, you know, to feel reverence for your own life and to want the best, the greatest, the highest possible, here, now, for your very own. To imagine a heaven and then not to dream of it, but to demand it.

— Ayn Rand, We The Living Part One Chapter 9

ciao… 😎

and you are…?

21 07 2011

i am what i am and that’s all that i am…

— Popeye

maybe we’re not just where we live, or what we eat or what we do… we are who we are who we are and that is always changing… maybe you think that he was the person whom you are meant to live with you forever. but you’ve changed, just as he has… but when the time is right, you will find another person to share your life with…

how can i be so sure?

i just am…

ciao… 😎

quote for the day

21 07 2011

It only stands to reason that where there’s sacrifice, there’s someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there’s service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.

— Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead


i have had…

19 07 2011

…a lot of knocks coming my way, but when I open? no one really is there…

i guess opportunity is playing a trick on me… :/

ciao… 😎

looking for…

12 07 2011

…someone to teach opportunity to knock at my door… 😦

ciao… 😎